


Akatsuki Hometime

by Amaya-chika-chan (Hushnet)



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M, Multi, Slight out of character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-04-18
Updated: 2012-06-19
Packaged: 2017-11-03 20:46:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/385762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hushnet/pseuds/Amaya-chika-chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deidara has been told to stay home and complete a mission involving the entire Akatsuki for Pain. It isn't expected that one particular member will have the biggest problem with this mission.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Revenga

~chika~chika~chika~

The shrill voice of one particular Akatsuki member resonated throughout the base as the Leader toothily smiled down at the voices owner. A fuming Deidara stood before Nagato’s desk having first laughed at the prospect of such humility being forced on him – but as it sunk in that Leader-sama wasn’t joking around, his anger grew. 

“That’s your solo mission, don’t question me.” The artist stomped his foot and curled his hands into fists. He stared back at Nagato, wishing he could punch those gleaming teeth out of his freaky pierced face. Deidara quickly lost his imposing stare when Zetsu rounded the corner into the office, stopping next to the Leader. Sucking air through his teeth, the bomber quietly spoke through harshly clenched teeth. 

“You really want me to do everyone un?” 

“I’ve already given you the details on this mission. You must meet all of my requirements, or you become plant food.” Deidara shivered; the fear of being eaten competed easily with the fear of being turned into a wooden puppet by Sasori. Striking a slightly menacing glance at Zetsu, the blonde spun on one foot and sulked to the doorway.

“This wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with the dango would it un?” His hand on the wall as he turned to glare once more at the Leader 

“How absurd – it has nothing to do with delicious pastries, or the fact that you ate ALL OF THEM even though they were specifically labelled as mine. This has more to do with your lack of active cooperation with Sasori on recent missions. Not to mention you have… specific qualifications for this task.” 

“So it’s mostly about the dango un.” Nagato’s hand twitched violently as he thought about throwing the chair at Deidara to get him out of his office. Konan watched her lover from the other room with a delicate hand resting on the stone wall. She would intervene if he reacted rashly. 

Deidara allowed himself a small smile when he saw the Leader’s displeasure. Leaving the office he ran his nails down the porous rockwork – thinking of ways he could bribe Zetsu not to kill him. There was no way in hell he was degrading himself to sleeping with the entire Akatsuki because ‘Leader said so’.

~chika~chika~chika~ 

“Did you really have to choose this way to get your revenge?” Nagato all but threw himself into his chair, attempting to soften his look as Konan stepped out of the darkness; Zetsu faced Leader silently and said nothing.

“Not only has he disrespected me, there’s no punishment I’ve been able to hand out that he hasn’t fucked up. When he’s not performing properly, confining him to the base doesn’t work – he just blows shit up. Setting him up with other partners hasn’t worked – no one can stand his attitude. This is the last straw.” Paper light footsteps made their way over to the now occupied leather chair. An ivory hand waved and suggested Zetsu’s leave could be taken. As the giant plant man lumbered out of the doorway, Konan slid her arms around Nagato’s broad shoulders and kissed his cheek lovingly.

“You don’t even know if every other man in this place will accept this Nagato, I doubt you would sleep with him.” 

“My china doll have you met our other members? When Kisame’s drunk he’ll fuck absolutely anything, including the couch. I’d bet every ounce of life in my body that Hidan and Kakuzu are fucking. Just mentioning those three, Deidara won’t have the energy to be mouthy or probably to continue his mission after them.” Konan blew soft strands of hair out of her eyes and released him, knowing she wouldn’t be able to repeal Deidara’s punishment. The kid was strong, he’d figure out a way to get through this. She turned from the doorway to their bedroom and beckoned him with one painted finger, returning a grin to Nagato’s face as he rose and followed her. 

~chika~chika~chika~

As the door clicked back into place and Deidara realized Hiruko wasn’t in its usual spot - he immediately tore off his cloak and half-heartedly threw it in the middle of the floor, uncaring of the fight it would likely cause with Sasori later. Shirtless and angered by the so called ‘mission’ Leader has entrusted him with, Deidara frantically tried to figure a way out of it. He didn’t honestly believe that Zetsu would take the time out of his day to eat him, not when the plant man knew he was just as likely to eat pounds of explosive clay in the process. 

‘What kind of sick person do you need to be to make someone do this un…’ The bomber thought as he sat down at the small desk to begin looking at his new designs for stealth bombs. Spiders were becoming boring – he needed something new. ‘I wouldn’t even know where to begin with this mission’ Deidara opened and closed his hands, trying to manage two thought processes at the same time. ‘Who thinks up those kinds of ideas un…’ The blonde leaned back and stared at the bleak gray ceiling, pondering his very limited options. 

“Could be fun… but could be dangerous un.”

~chika~chika~chika~

Itachi glanced carefully around every corner with his Sharingan activated. Upon entering the base, he had been warned by a very angry looking puppet master that Tobi, of all people, had been especially irritating today, something to avoid at almost any cost. Sometimes the great Uchiha Itachi would rather give up his sight than be in the presence of Madara, or his other personality Tobi. It was far too completely ridiculous.

“ITAACHI-SAAAAN!” The Uchiha tensed and continued facing away from his uncle otherwise known as the masked idiot. 

“Ohayo gozai masu, Tobi-kun.” All hope of retreat was gone, Itachi drowned in his fate. 

“Ne, Itaaaachiiii, can Tobi ask a question?” Crimson eyes whirled as Itachi fought to keep from incinerating the oversized kid, something that would likely irritate the other side of him.

“Tch.”

“Okaaaaai. Why do you have a pretty picture of Deidara-sempai in your room?” Itachi turned slowly with a clenched jaw and wide red eyes. 

“Seventy two hours of torture Madara, or you give back the picture and forget you ever saw it.” The orange mask tilted to the left and released an odd giggle.

“What`s wrong Itachi? Worried that Deidara-senpai will find out how badly you waaaaant him?” The shrill voice deepened as he spoke. ‘Tobi’ reached for his mask, and with his anger still burning, Itachi watched with disinterest as he looked at the mature face that so easily mirrored his own. 

“I won`t tell blondie if you do one thing for me.” Madaara stared intently at the younger Uchiha, who slowly released the Sharingan – letting the red bleed from his dark hazel eyes. 

“I would talk to Leader before you try anything with the blonde; something tells me you could have anything you want from him, even if he doesn’t.” Madaara replaced the mask over his face. 

“Just give me the picture back, I don’t know or care about what you’re playing at.” Madara held up the picture of Deidara, it was the only one Itachi had been able to get without the bomber knowing. Itachi took the picture carefully and sneered at his uncle before carrying on to his own room.

~chika~chika~chika~


	2. Pain of Death

Deidara bolted upright from his short lived doze at his desk. He glanced around the room only to nearly jump out of his skin as his eyes adjusted enough to see a figure in the corner. Deidara slid off the chair and landed none too gracefully on the floor, reaching quickly for his clay.

″What the fuck un?″ The figure slowly moved away from the corner. Anyone else might have been intimidated at the sight of Hiruko’s hulking figure standing in their room. But since Deidara knew the man that controlled it, he was more interested in why Sasori had just been standing there for Gods know how long.

″Danna what the fuck.″ The bulk of the huge puppet shifted and shook as Sasori stepped out of it.

″If I had wanted to scare you I would have put centipedes in your bed, like Hidan did last April.″ He moved quickly to avoid being hit with the tiny clay bomb that was tossed at his head. It exploded against the wall, small amounts of rock crumbling to the floor.

″Yeah, Nagato’s going to kill you.”

″Shut up un, it was your fault, and you’re an ass.″ Rolling his mahogany eyes, Sasori began undoing his cloak, rolling his shoulders until they cracked. Deidara picked himself up off the ground; nearly running into Sasori as he had ended up standing before him in nothing more than his black pants. Tossing the heavy cloak back onto his bed he didn’t miss the stare he was receiving from Deidara.

″Miss me, Dei? I wasn’t gone that long.″ The Akasuna was smirking at him in that dead sexy way and Deidara wasn’t really sure if he wanted to deal with a horny Sasori tonight. Deidara blinked and closed his mouth, which he hadn’t realized had been hanging open.

″Fuck you Danna un.″ He sat back down on the chair, pretending to stare intently at his drawings, having only completed a new design for another spider bomb before he’d fallen asleep. Not hearing any more snide remarks from the puppet, Deidara chanced a look upwards at his partner. Sasori had completely turned his back on him and was tinkering with something on the front of Hiruko. Deidara had been left to his own devices, at least for now.

 ~chika~chika~chika~

Itachi had planned on sleeping throughout the night, having just come back from a mission. But as the door to his room slammed open he barely had time to open his eyes before Kisame had jumped onto the bed and was lying next to him.

″Itachi-san, no one told me you were back.″ With narrowed eyes and the full intent to kill the shark laying beside him, Itachi pushed the covers back and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, facing away from the nuisance and blinking around for his shirt.

″Yes Kisame, I’ve been back for a whole three hours. Now go away and let me sleep.″ Kisame pulled two bottles from beside the bed, swinging them behind Itachi.

″Wanna celebrate coming home first?”  

″No Kisame, I do not want to drink or do anything with you, I want to sleep.″ The only thing stopping Itachi from killing Kisame was the warning that Leader had given everyone before he left. After Sasori and Deidara had gotten into such a huge fight that it incapacitated them both for weeks, no one was allowed to mutilate, kill or maim their partners, as there were less opportunities to replace them. 

″Come on Itachi-san, it’ll be fine, you’ll need to relax a little after that long trip.”

″I said no.″ Calmly but with an underlying threat, Itachi pulled the band from around his wrist and began retying his hair into a ponytail.

″How much have you been drinking before now, Kisame?” He heard a dark chuckle and knew that leaving might be the best course of action for now. Kisame was irritating when he was drunk, and with an already insatiable sex drive - he would never take no for an answer.

His fears were confirmed when a pair of firm hands made their way around Itachi’s unclothed waist, and a relatively intoxicated Kisame breathed against his neck.

“Enough to still know you want me Itachi.” The raven shuddered and wriggled away from him, pushing himself off the bed and away from the fish.

“Don’t start this Kisame. I’m not in the mood.” Kisame continued to grin, flashing his teeth and still moving towards him.

“Well get in the mood.”

~chika~chika~chika~

″Danna un?″ Deidara asked into the dark room, the light from the tiny window in the rock had faded a while ago. It must have been a few hours since Sasori had woken Deidara up the first time. The Akasuna slept soundly in the bed beside the desk, forcing Deidara to watch very carefully what he was doing. Getting up from the chair quietly, Deidara slid bare foot to the door and slowly pulled it open. He was honestly afraid to make any noise and wake someone up. Last time Deidara had crashed down the hallway on his way to the kitchen he had been chased around the base by three very aggravated men with weapons. Deidara still couldn’t quite look at Hidan the same after that because the Jashinist slept in the nude.

The only noise around the base was the near silent sound of Deidara’s feet hitting the stone floor. The hallway was awfully dark aside from the light he could see still beaming from the kitchen before him.

For some people, a mess is tolerable; and for others they completely enjoy wallowing in filth. Deidara was not one of either of those people. Standing in the doorway staring at the hurricane of a mess, the bomber growled and kicked an overly full bag of garbage in the entrance way over.

″Why am I the only sanitary person in this place un?″ Deidara stepped delicately over the overflowing garbage bags, bottles and other various broken things. He sought out the last bottle of Jones, glancing once at the bottle of vodka, but deciding against it. He was already in enough trouble as it was. As he twisted the cap off, Deidara nearly dropped the bottle once a crash from down the hallway echoed throughout the base. When nothing attacked him or crashed again he relaxed and kicked the fridge door shut behind him.

Stepping back over the debris, Deidara cautiously moved along the wall, starting back to his room. But a yelp rang down the hallway, followed by another quieter thump - this time much closer to him. Deidara stopped tried to peer through the darkness at which room he was nearest.

″Kisame and Itachi`s room un?″

  ~chika~chika~chika~


	3. Misunderstanding

~chika~chika~chika~

  
″Kisame get off me! ″ Itachi pushed hard against the larger man’s shoulders, but he wouldn’t remove himself from the raven’s neck. In a fair fight, Itachi would have no problem demolishing Kisame, chakra powerhouse or not. But this lumbering drunk was a hell of a lot heavier when Itachi barely had the energy to be awake, and when the larger man could barely control his own motor functions.

Sharp teeth once again dug into his sensitive skin. His throat was stinging and slick with saliva. Itachi groaned and tried to pull away from the unwanted advances.

“You're so loud Itachi-san.″ He bared his teeth and threw a hard punch to the side of Kisame’s head. The blue man stumbled sideways from Itachi, leaving the Uchiha free to try to make it for the door. But as he jumped onto the bed to reach the other side, Kisame tackled him from behind and pinned his hands awkwardly above his head.

"I love it when you fight back.” The larger man’s body was radiating heat. Face down on the bed, Itachi didn’t have much chance for fighting back anymore.

“Kisame I’m not messing around. Get the fuck off.” His composure was nearly gone, he wasn’t afraid of the larger man but he refused to become his bitch. Kisame chuckled and ran his free hand up Itachi’s naked back, still holding his arms down with the other.

"You can't say you're not enjoying this." The free hand made its way to his hip, passed the top of Itachi’s pants and starting playing with his flaccid cock. The Uchiha bit his lip and tried to pull his hands away from being restrained, resisting the urge to give in to the attention. He willed his body to stop reacting, just as Kisame grabbed a rough hold of his dick and began stroking, rubbing the head slowly and agonizingly. This eliciting nothing but a whimper from Itachi, Kisame growled and pulled himself onto his knees above Itachi, leaning in to whisper in his ear.

"C'mon love, you know you want this." Itachi snorted, his options were limited. Allow Kisame to make a fool out of him, or miraculously fight him off.

“This had better be quick, Kisame.” He muttered back, relaxing the tension in his arms. The man above him snickered and ran his rough tongue up the side of Itachi’s neck. The hand that had made itself busy with Itachi’s dick began pulling down his loose sweat pants. The Uchiha rested his chin awkwardly on the bed and grimaced when Kisame bit back down on his shoulder, causing him to tense up.

"Ah, Itachi, I love these times when we’re alone..." Kisame released him and began loosening the belt on his pants, clumsily undressing in front of him. Itachi’s eyes went wide as he thought again frantically. There had to be something he had enough energy to do…

Itachi mentally slapped himself and subtlety made a few quick hand-signs, replacing himself with a low-chakra clone. With his signals he left one command in the clone’s thoughts. _Obey_.

The shark’s brain processing power wasn’t at 100% capacity while sober, but drunk he was easily convincible even by his own standards. Itachi snuck a hateful glance around the corner from the open bathroom in their room, watching Kisame crawl back on top of his clone and beginning to kiss him.  

Itachi turned away from the scene and turned on the hot water in the shower – relying on the clone’s capacity to listen to keep Kisame occupied.

~chika~chika~chika~

 Deidara couldn’t believe that he had stood outside their bedroom listening to that happen; he also hadn’t imagined that Itachi would get it on with Kisame. He hadn’t been able to hear what they were saying, but he was sure he didn’t want to know.

It wasn’t like he could dictate who Itachi did or didn’t sleep with. He certainly hadn’t been able to help it that he himself had occasionally thought about the Uchiha romantically after he’d initiated him into the Akatsuki. It had started as blind anger at losing the fight to such an arrogant fuck. But under that there was just something about the older man that really made Deidara’s knees weak, that had deterred him from trying to hurt Itachi in that fight.

But now that Deidara had the pleasure of hearing what they did together, he didn’t feel like going to sleep anymore. The pop bottle in his hand sat empty, so back to the kitchen he went. The lack of an empty trashcan or free surface left either the floor or atop the already festering piles of stinking garbage. He tried to place it gently on top of one of the bags, but watched horrified as it rolled off the bag and crashed into pieces.

He didn’t move, waiting for the slaughter that was likely about to come after him. With eyes clenched shut, Deidara slid around the corner back into the hallway but shuffled the opposite direction from his room and into the living room. In the windowless stone room there were no discernible shapes, so from memory Deidara attempted to slump onto the couch, but instead ran into the stone table and fell into the dusty cushions.

“If no one woke up to Kisame and Itachi fucking each other’s brains out, no one will notice me slowly dying here un.” He brushed his bangs out of his face, although it didn’t change the fact that he still couldn’t see in the dark. Twisting around on the couch, he tried to right himself and find a comfortable position. He closed his eyes, finally allowing himself to relax into the rough cushions…

"What was that?" The almost-asleep blonde shivered at the sound of the other's voice. Either he was about to die, or be tortured slowly, or worse…

“Like I give a shit un, come and fight me if your sleep was that fucking important to you.” Deidara was instantly poised to fight. The figure, that was only slightly darker than the dimly gray hallway, moved from the entranceway to the end of the couch, passing the end table that Deidara hadn’t previously noticed.

“I don’t care about how much noise you made, what did you hear regarding Kisame and I?” Deidara blinked rapidly, the adrenaline that had struck him in the prospect of a fight slowly turned to panic. Itachi was in the living room with him, alone, at night. Now his heart was pounding an uncomfortable beat in his chest.

“I-I didn’t hear anything un…”

“That’s not what you just said Deidara.” His voice was calm but sharp; Deidara was frozen standing in front of the couch, the backs of his knees touching the cushions as he backed up slightly.

“Look, I know it’s not any of my business un. I didn’t hear anything I’d repeat.” Itachi didn’t make a sound; he took two steps closer and loomed over Deidara, watching the blonde carefully. The raven’s features were barely discernible to the younger man in the dark, but he was certainly anything but pleased.

Deidara didn’t consider himself a weak man, but he didn’t want to be in the same situation he was before, fighting Itachi without wanting to hurt him – while the other man had a no-holds-bared kind of mentality. Not to mention starting a fight now in the middle of the base was sure to wake everyone.

“There was nothing to hear, Kisame was in there alone. Besides…” Itachi was unbearably close to Deidara, the blonde was straining himself to lean away from the other man. “Why should I care what you think anyways?” His balance was thrown off, and Deidara slumped onto the couch with Itachi leaning over him.

Itachi hadn’t had much trouble ridding himself of the problem with Kisame once his fatigue had ebbed away. However keeping Deidara’s respect and fear of him was a different problem. He enjoyed how Deidara had given in during their first fight, the way he knew the blonde stared after him.

“It doesn’t matter what I think Itachi-sama un.” Deidara stared wide-eyed back up at the raven, not knowing whether he should try to make it back to his room or stay and face imminent torture at the hands of an Uchiha. The older man leaned in closer, his hands resting on the back of the couch on either side of Deidara’s head. Every move was slow, calculated, and intimidating; the slightly terrified look on blonde’s face made Itachi smirk. This was too easy for him.

“So how much did you hear?” The blonde swallowed and clenched his hands,

“You and Kisame un… getting… friendly.”

“Does that bother you?” Another series of thuds echoed down the hall from Kisame and Itachi’s room, whatever Deidara’s response had been it was replaced by a confused glance back towards the hall.

“What the fuck un?” Itachi snickered and pushed away from the couch, sliding onto it beside Deidara instead.

“Kisame’s a drunk and insatiable; you really think I would get with an ignorant fucker like that?” Deidara tried to cover his shock. Here he’d been, jealous and scared, when it hadn’t really meant anything. The Uchiha no longer had a game to play with him, so he’d now lost interest.

“You stupid fucker un!” Deidara jumped onto Itachi with one hand wrapped around his neck, the other planted firmly against the wall. The raven met the bared teeth and piercing eyes with a humour-laced stare.

“So it would have bothered you if I had slept with Kisame?” Deidara blinked rapidly and wished whole heartedly he could let himself beat the smug grin off his face.

“Fuck you un.” He moved to slid off Itachi’s lap, but was met with his wrist clutched in a tight grasp instead. Itachi pulled him face to face once more, his free hand moving to pull Deidara towards him – resting on his lower back.

"What un?"

~chika~chika~chika~

 


End file.
